[mood| Calm ]

Harry/Hermione icons from the new HBP picture! And more...

[12] HBP
[16] GoF (mostly Yule Ball)
[1] Yule Ball banner

Oh, and Happy Easter everyone!

( Every time you're near... )

[mood| Relaxed ]

Somehow I've managed during finals week at school to make a rather large batch of icons, and so I thought I would post them! What can I say...I need something to de-stress! And of course procrastinate... ;-) Feel free to take/use!

[54] Harry/Hermione
[10] Pride & Prejudice (2005)

( Just click here! )

Well, it's been all summer since I've updated...I've been really busy, to say the least, and now I'll be even more busy since I'm heading back to school in just a few days! But I managed for the first time in many many months to make a batch of icons, so I thought I would post them!

( I now declare you bonded for life )

[mood| Giddy ]

I said I would update again when finals were over, but I slacked on that because I had a summer class start up right after finals (and actually overlapping with the finals) and I kept real busy for awhile trying to juggle those two things and staying longer at school to play in the band for graduation. Now it's starting to wind down, and I'm full-swing into summer! I have my class every day from 9-12, and have yet to find summer employment, though I've been trying anything and everything for the longest time. Anyway, it's not the end of the world if I don't work this summer...it would certainly help, but I make good money during the school year with my jobs on campus so I know I have that coming up. I'm also supposed to have some church gigs this summer playing the saxophone, which are paying jobs. So I'll see what happens! But for now, I'm enjoying my class, being with my friends, and the warm and sunny weather. I will have the class until August, and then I plan to head out to Montana as usual, and hopefully to Oregon again to visit my best friend's family. I'm not sure if that will work out this summer, but I'm waiting to see. I'd really like to get out there and see my second family! Then before I know it, my senior year of college will begin....yikes. From there on out, it promises to be crazy. I will have a difficult course load, a senior recital to prepare, and the application process for graduate school fully underway. Ah! I refuse to let that bother me right now, though, since it's summer afterall, and I need this relaxation while I can get it. So no more thinking about the future.

My exciting news for the day is that I saw PoTC3 for the second time, and understood much more and liked it much better the second time around. And let me just say, I am more of a Will/Elizabeth shipper than ever now. I have shipped them from the beginning, of course, but my love for them has completely intensified with the third installment. *sigh* Just so we're clear. Now I'm off to watch more W/E music vids. ;-)

Hope everyone is having a great summer thus far! I will update again soon!

[mood| Impressed ]

Yes, yes it is. I truly can't believe it's that time of the year again, but now it's come. I only have three more weeks left of my junior year at St. Olaf College (yikes!) and they will be pretty busy ones. I will save myself and everyone else the pain of getting into all the things I have coming up and have to do, and just say that I will be one insanely busy girl. But what's new? It's been a pretty hectic semester, save for a few weeks of break, and even then I had lots to do. Sometimes I wonder how I'll survive it all and be successful at the end, but somehow I always manage to pull through. This time should be no different, but I won't believe it until it happens!

Besides getting ready for finals and finishing up the semester, I'm also still in the process of summer job hunting and I'm hoping to get a decent job. I'm all set to go for my summer course, Italian at the U of M, so that should be good. The summer is looking pretty fantastic, actually! I'll be here in MN for June and July, taking my class, working, and practicing the sax. Then in August I'm headed out to Oregon again for a couple weeks to stay with my best friend and her wonderful family, and after that to Montana for the last week or so of August before coming back to MN for my final year at St. Olaf. *sobs* I'm actually really going to miss it here, not that it's a surprise or anything. I've so loved everything about my Ole experience. It's become my home, and I know the transition will be tough, since I'm one of those that resists change as it is. I also know that it won't really hit me until next year at around this time, but that will just fly by so fast it's ridiculous. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but it will be interesting to say the least.

Anyway, that's my life right now! Finals, finals, and more finals...and summer preparations. I'm excited for the nice warm weather that's on the way as well! It's about time to get my summer clothes out again. :-)

I will post an update sometime after I finish up with classes here, I'm guessing. Until then, aaaaaadios!

[mood| Relaxed ]

Wooooot! My junior recital was on Sunday and it went pretty well, considering how nervous I was. Sheesh. But anyway, it's over and done with, and my week has been ridiculously and wonderfully relaxing. *sigh* I'm loving life! And with spring break just around the corner, things can't get much better! Just thought I'd share that, and post a quick update. :-)

[mood| Mellow ]

First of all, I honestly can't believe how quickly this month is going by! I'm now full-swing into second semester and with my class load along with trying to prepare rather frantically for my junior recital two weeks from Sunday, I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed in general. I will feel much better once my recital is over, but even then I know I will be swamped with course work. Oh well, the life of a music major, I suppose. But anyway, I've been wanting to post an update about my band tour, so there are more details about that following the cut. Otherwise, things are moving along! I probably won't post again until my recital is over...so, wish me luck...I'll be working really hard the next couple of weeks to put on my best possible performance in front of esteemed faculty, friends, and family. Ahhhh! Like I said, I just want it to be over already!

( Band Tour 2007 )

[mood| Loved ]

Today I turned 21...and it hasn't really hit me yet! I don't feel any older. But at any rate, it's not any big-deal birthday for me because I don't drink and don't plan to. What can I say, alcohol just isn't my thing. But it's been a wonderful day, full of love and surprises...so I can say I'm pretty happy! :-)

Anyway, I just wanted to post a quick update for this month...I've been on J-term and overall things have been pretty nice and relaxing. This coming weekend J-term is ending and I'm heading off on band tour. We're going to Washington and Oregon for a week, and right when we get back we start second semester classes. I mean that pretty literally. We take a 1:00 AM flight out of Seattle on a Sunday night (a week from this coming Sunday) and arrive back in Minneapolis at about 6:00 AM, and my first class is 10:45 that morning...oh joy, that should be fun. And then my workload will just be crazy, with all the necessary preparations (aka practicing like crazy) for my junior recital in March, a full course load, band, sax quartet, working two jobs, etc...but I just know it will fly by really fast, and then I'll be a senior in college. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself now, but the thought really does freak me out. I'm loving college and I know that it will come to an end all too soon. I have to enjoy it while I still can!

That's all for now...take care, friends!

[mood| Cheerful ]

Yes, my Christmas break is finally here! I just finished up with my finals yesterday, and today I'm just hanging around school getting things all cleaned up and packed up to get ready to leave for Oregon tomorrow, where I will be spending my Christmas break with my best friend and her family. Words cannot describe my excitement! - and my huge relief that finals and this semester are finally over. I will say that this semester was not my favorite classes-wise, and I don't think I did as well as I usually do because I just wasn't interested. But I'm looking forward to a fresh start next semester! It will be a busy one. In the meantime though, I think I deserve a bit of relaxation, fun, and the chance to bask in the wonderful Christmas spirit. Just thought I'd post a quick update, because I probably won't do so over break. As of now, life is GOOD! :-)

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to everyone!

[mood| Anxious ]

Well, I finally have a few minutes here at work today with nothing to do and I thought I'd post an update in my blog. It's been awhile! I've been pretty busy though, so it's not too shocking. I've been having a great deal of fun so far this year with friends, school, and all my activities, but am somehow usually stressed out at the same time. That's just how I operate!

( More behind the cut... )

[mood| Busy ]

Well, I can no longer complain about being bored and having nothing to do...because I'm finding myself completely swamped again, as expected for my college life! Things have been going pretty well and though I'm super busy and sometimes feel overwhelmed, I'm having a great time being back "home."

( Here's what I have going on so far this year )

[mood| Jubilant ]

I'm ecstatic to announce that today's the day! I'm headed back to school in only an hour and I'm so happy to be leaving my miserable house!! No more putting up with my brothers and their on-going drug addiction and other various unending problems...no more listening to them throw curse words around like a second language...no more watching my father sit around on the computer all day ignoring anything and everything that goes on in this house, even when it gets scary and potentially dangerous...no more listening to his loud snores on the couch at 3 in the afternoon...no more putting up with the fact that he won't listen to anything I say and listening to him throw insults at me about my own life...no more long, boring, depressing days with nothing fun to do or anyone to hang out with...I'm FREE!! I was not really here for too long this summer, but any time feels like a long time...and these past 3 weeks was a long time. I'm just so thrilled to be leaving. Now I'm going to avoid coming back as much as I possibly can, and when I have to, I know I won't be alone. I will miss my mom and feel bad that she's still stuck in all of this (because she's the only one who does try to fix things), but thankfully she can escape and come down to see me on most weekends, and she's not very far. So knowing that makes this all the easier and I can't say I regret anything...I know I'm not really leaving anything behind. This house was never much of a home anyway. Sad, but true. I consider my true home to be at school and tonight, I'm finally going home. :-)

Anyway, I'm going to have a really busy next week or so, running around on duty for the ASC and band...but I will update again once things wind down! I'm so excited...I'm moving into my room tonight and will be setting things up for the next few days, my Soul will be joining me in only 3 days now and in typical Soul fashion we have so many fun things planned to do together(!!!), I'll be seeing all of my college friends and professors again (yes, I'll admit that I've missed Alice!), band starts up next Wednesday, my classes start next Thursday...and everything is just falling into place! It's a truly wonderful feeling. Oh, I know I'm going to be SO swamped...but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Life as I know and love it, HERE I COME! :-)

[mood| Morose ]

Just thought it was time for a change!

That's about all I have to say right now, I suppose. I'm actually really depressed right now but re-doing the look of my journal has given me somewhat of an escape today, which I guess is a good thing.

On the bright side...

Countdown to school = 1 WEEK! Woooooot!!!

I guess I will just look forward to that. :)

[mood| Relieved ]

I'm home from Montana, and I finally went into the doctor today and got the results of my biopsy. Thankfully, my doctor told me right away that the biopsy looked normal...my cells looked normal, no signs of infection in my bone marrow, no signs of pathology...he essentially told me that everything real serious has been ruled out. Needless to say, that was such a relief to hear and I feel so much better knowing that now!

However, because he didn't find anything...he's still not exactly sure why my WBC is so low. But the first thing he's done is taken me off Valtrex, a medication I've been taking for my cankersores, because there's good reason to suspect that it may be causing my WBC to drop. And so now with that out of my system, we'll be monitoring my WBC to see if it makes a difference...I'll go in every month to a clinic get tested. By the end of three months, if my WBC has gone up again, he's not going to worry about it. But if it still hasn't gone up at all and is still really low like it is now, he'll probably start giving me injections of white blood cells to boost my count. Given that he can't find anything serious...he did say that sometimes people just have this problem, and there's no real cause of it...and if this is the case with me, I'll just have to get injections once in awhile. And obviously they will keep monitoring me closely for improvement, and to make sure that nothing else turns up. The main thing is that I still have to be careful to avoid infection, because I'm still at a high risk while my WBC is still low. But I suppose we'll get it all figured out as we go...for right now, this is most definitely good news.

So anyway, that's my story! I'm just so relieved to know that they didn't find anything serious and that I appear to be healthy otherwise.

I just want to thank everyone again for his/her support and concern throughout this whole ordeal. It has meant a great deal to me! I'll still keep this blog updated with anything new I may learn, and what happens over the course of the next few months. :-)

[mood| Frustrated ]

I've about had it with my grandmother's 'boyfriend,' Ed. He's such a jerk. I can only handle him for about 2-3 days when I first come out here to visit, and then it's all downhill from there, mainly because he just can't tolerate anyone stealing away my gradnmother's attention and becomes quite cruel as a result.

But anyway...tonight he was telling another one of his lame, boring stories at the dinner table to everyone...honestly it's one I've probably heard before, he tends to repeat his stories...and he's one of those that when he tells stories, he does so to show his intelligence and culture and all that garbage...so basically, all in an attempt to impress people, and he even condescends quite a bit, almost preaches...he thinks he's some kind of all-knowing superior being. But tonight, I ended up zoning at the table a bit, because I missed the first part of the story and really didn't see any point in listening any further...and boy it was LONG...and I didn't even really know he was intending it for everyone, I thought he was talking to my mom. But anyway, he got all offended when he found out I wasn't listening, said it was insulting, and when I tried to explain, he told me to just "shut up" and be quiet. Yeah, real nice.

But it doesn't end there. Tonight, right now, as I sit here on my computer, he and my grandmother are having a conversation right in the next room and obviously don't know that I'm here because they're talking about me. Ed is actually verbally bashing me. He says in his usual angry and rash tone, and I quote, "Geez, that granddaughter of yours is so insufferably insulting...she's so self-obsessed and self-involved, she doesn't ever listen to what anyone else has to say, blah blah blah"...oh, really? I'M the one who's self-obsessed and self-centered? (The following are actual true facts...yes, this 80-year-old man acts like this)

Who's the one who runs off like a baby every single night we have company over because in the midst of everything he's not the center of attention? Because no one is listening to him? Because someone else is getting a chance to talk for once?

Who's the one who storms off like a child in a jealous rampage when my grandmother talks about happy memories of her past?

Who's the one who drinks himself all day long into into these ridiculous, childish fits? Vodka all day...wine at night. Not so good.

Who's the one who, when he does get drunk, makes crude, sexual jokes and insults other people?

Oh yeah, that's not me. That's him, "Mr. Perfect," as he thinks himself to be. And he's a huge jerk for it. I'm just getting real sick of having to put up with him. But I can't express that, obviously...though I'm not the only one who notices these things. We've all talked about how ridiculous his behavior is and has been while we've been here, even with my grandmother. To bring it up with him would be just unthinkable, but I certainly don't have any desire to be respectful to him now. Well, maybe be respectful, because I don't want to stoop down to his level of total and utter disrespect...but I'll certainly be avoiding him as much as I can for the rest of my time out here. At least until I get some kind of apology because it wasn't me who was completely out of line...it was him. Not that I'd ever expect him to own to it, or any mistake he's made. Like I said, he does see himself as flawless. Ha, such a joke.

Well, whatever. Just thought I'd vent a bit about it, because it makes me really frustrated. Maybe it actually made me more frustrated that my grandmother just sat there and listened to it without defending me, I don't know. But oh yeah, he'll sit around for the first few days after I arrive and tell me how proud he is of me, how 'beautiful' and 'sexy' (yes, sexy) I am, how great it is when I come out and visit, and all that garbage...but as soon as he's had his fill (and it doesn't take him very long), he's nothing but a nasty jerk with a real short temper and tolerance for me, or for anyone who's been around for too long. Anyone whom my grandmother happens to love and likes to spend time with is a potential target for his bitterness and hatred. It's like I said...he needs my grandmother's attention focused on him all the time...he needs her to serve him, cater to him, dote on him, etc...for him to be happy. So if a whole day has gone by and my grandmother has been out visiting with us, you can bet by the time we get home he's one anal old jerk. Same old routine every day. I wonder how my grandmother puts up with it and doesn't tire of it. And you certainly can't travel anywhere with him...he's miserable in that regard as well, I know that from experience. One thing's for sure...my grandmother has mentioned taking me on a European trip as a special college graduation present, but if his coming along is part of the deal...I'd rather just forget it.

End rant.

[mood| Distressed ]

Well, I got back from my piano camp on Friday night and had a great time as always...though this year it turns out that my favorite teacher at the camp couldn't make it due to a last minute emergency, which was kind of disappointing. I always love being able to chat with her and catch up on things, but there was definitely something missing and I'm sure it was her presence...she is just so inspirational. But I still enjoyed it overall, my saxophone performance went well and everything...and I was glad that I had the chance to attend. Everytime I have to say goodbye at the end, they all tell me how wonderful it was to have me there and how they hope to see me back yet again as the teen coordinator for next year. I have been there since the beginning, and they all say that it just wouldn't be piano camp without me! I think that's pretty nice. I'll keep coming back as long as they'll have me! I just love that place and all the connections I have formed there. I never regret going and it's a truly necessary part of my summer.

Anyway, on to the real point of this entry...

I was scheduled to leave on a 3-week trip to Montana tomorrow, and was really excited about that...but due to a medical situation, my trip is going to be postponed until later in the week. I've been having problems with a low white blood count (WBC) for the past few months, and probably for about a total of 2 years now, though we've just now become aware of the potential seriousness as it seems to be getting worse and more demanding of attention. I had it checked in April when I was sick with a bad virus, and it was 2.5...the normal WBC range for healthy adults is 4-10, so mine was pretty low. The doctor thought it may have just been that low because I was sick, and suggested for me to go in for another test when I was healthy. So last week, which was two months later (I should have gone in again sooner but there wasn't ever a real convenient opportunity to do so), I had it tested again at my annual physical and it came out to be 2.3, even lower than when I was sick. They didn't know what it could be because they didn't find anything else to be wrong in my physical, so they referred me to a special hemotology and oncology clinic in the same building, and that's the appointment I went to today.

I went in and discussed the situtation with a doctor as well as had a few more blood tests run. They checked my vitals and everything first, and nothing else seems to be wrong with me...everything came out well on my physical the previous week and I just don't seem to have any symptoms of anything at all...I seem to be in pretty good health otherwise at the moment. So due to that and several other factors, we were able to rule out things like HIV, hepatitus, and lupus...because in those cases I would have other major symptoms. The doctor ran a few blood tests, one again for the WBC, and the others for vitamin deficiencies/absorption and certain infections. Only the WBC blood test came back while I was there, and it turns out that my white blood count is even lower than before...1.6! It really freaked me out and it just kind of shocks me that it keeps getting lower and lower...it was 2.3 last week, and now it's 1.6. And we have not yet determined why it's happening/what could be causing it.

So, in light of that, my doctor scheduled another appointment for Thursday to do a bone marrow biopsy. By examining my bone marrow, where the white blood cells are formed and everything, he thinks he will be able to determine what is going on. According to him it basically comes down to two possibilities...either my bone marrow isn't producing enough white blood cells, or they are producing enough but then something in my system is killing them off somehow...possibly a result of some kind of infection or other dysfunctional thing. He just won't have a good idea until he runs this test. And so that's why he asked me to stay behind and get it done this week rather than in 3 weeks. Originally, if my WBC had come out around the same as before or not too much lower, I could have still gone to Montana tomorrow...he acknowledges that the WBC does fluctuate a bit, and I could have gone tomorrow and just have receieved an injection of white blood cells to hold me over while I was there and make sure that I didn't pick up an infection. But seeing as my WBC was a lot lower than before and bordering upon being dangerously so, the doctor felt better scheduling this bone marrow biopsy for sooner rather than later, so he could get right to the problem and start whatever treatment may be necessary right away. It will still take 10 days for the biopsy results to come back...but the sooner we know what's wrong, the better. The shot of white blood cells, although it would have helped temporarily, would have just masked the real issue...we need to figure out what is functionally wrong here, or if there's some kind of infection causing all of this. At any rate, his main concern right now is that given my really low WBC I'm at a pretty high risk for infection...so I'm supposed to be extra careful and wash my hands a lot, avoid large public places/gatherings, and avoid people who may be sick and contagious. I just couldn't afford to get a serious infection right now...my immune system is obviously vulnerable due to the lack of WBC's and couldn't handle it. I'd have to get on a rigorous course of antibiotics to deal with it and that just wouldn't be preferable.

So...with all of that...I'm quite stressed and worried. I know that the doctors are going to discover what's going on and it sounds like whatever it is, there'll be something to treat it and fix it...the doctor didn't leave any doubt about that...there didn't seem to be a great deal of concern that we can figure this out and treat it in some fashion. There will be a course of action and we'll do whatever is necessary. It's just disappointing because I really wanted to leave tomorrow as planned and go be with my grandmother...because on top of this medical situtation that's stressing me out, my family is still having issues with my brothers and drugs, and all that lovely stuff...not too much fun to be around, and certainly not helpful. I will look forward to leaving on Thursday evening or Friday morning, and having this test be over...because it doesn't sound like it will be a pleasant experience. *shudder*

I will update again if/when I know something new. There are still a few more tests from today that need to be returned...I don't know if they'll make a difference but they could tell me something else. *waits anxiously* All I can do is try to be strong and remain positive...that's all I can do to get through it. And I know I'll have lots of support along the way, no matter what. I will hope for the best.

[mood| Good ]

Well, I've been back from my wonderful Oregon trip since Tuesday night, and now today I'm headed off to my annual piano camp, which is near Chicago...I'll be there for the week and will probably get back sometime Friday night. I really look forward to this all year and it's hard to believe I'll be there tomorrow! I've been attending for the past 7-8 years (ever since the camp was established) and it's always a huge highlight of my summer....and I know that my year would feel incomplete without it! There are so many wonderful teachers and friends I look forward to seeing and catching up with, and I feel lucky to have them as connections. It's always just such a positive, inspirational learning experience and I always come away with new perspectives. I'll also be performing a sax solo on the faculty recital for the first time down there, which is a great performing opportunity for me as a sax performance major. I'm hoping it won't be too high-pressure...I'm assuming it won't be, because the atmosphere at these recitals has always been pretty laid back, and there aren't any critics among the audience...just teachers and friends whom I trust and know very well...people who appreciate the sharing of music. So I'm hoping for the best and to be able to just have fun!

Anyhow...I'll be able to log on to a computer probably once or twice a day to check things...but other than that...I'll be pretty busy all week! I'll probably update again when I get back, and before I head off to Montana. :-)

[mood| Chipper ]

Well, what can I say. I've been in Oregon for the past two weeks and I've been having an absolute blast! I've been hanging out with my best friend and her family, and we've done a bunch of fun stuff...mostly low-key but it's still a great time! We watch movies, go out for coffee, swim at the pool, go to the beach, sun bathe outside anywhere, go for walks, go shopping, etc. But it's just been really relaxing and enjoyable for me. And I actually have another whole week to look forward to (I come back home on the 11th)...yipee! I already have a bunch of pictures taken and I'll have more by the time I'm back...I'll be sure to post some here!

Other than that...I'll be going to my favorite piano camp in Chicago in 2 weeks now as well and I'm preparing to play a saxophone solo on the faculty recital (I'm a counselor so that counts as faculty), which should be a good experience in many ways...I'm getting back in playing-shape and looking forward to it! This camp is always a huge highlight of my summer and I always feel so fortunate to be going back again...it's just an amazing and memorable experience. I can't wait!

And then...after piano camp I will be heading to Montana for most of the rest of the summer, where I will be visiting with my grandparents, uncle, aunt, and cousins, and practicing like crazy on sax and piano for the start of the school year. Great times! And then before I know it I'll be back at school again for the start of my junior year...scary, unbelievable, all that...but I will be very happy to go back, that's for sure! I love school...there's nowhere I'd rather be!

That's all for now...will update again soon! :)

[mood| Drained ]

Ahhh, this week was so crazy and hectic, which was definitely a big change from the past few weeks. I attended a saxophone quartet workshop/camp this week at my college...8:30-5:00 daily...and since I chose to commute rather than stay on campus (it was a good deal less expensive and I also didn't really want to stay on campus in the dorms again after just having left for the summer! ahhh), I had to drive there and back every day, which with all the traffic in rush hour took me about an hour and a half both ways. *phew* I'm all tired out now from all the playing and just from the lack of sleep in general. Fortunately, today was the last day. I did enjoy it overall, though...I think it was a good experience and it definitely gave me something to do. And the cool thing about this whole workshop is that my new saxophone teacher at St. Olaf was the head of the camp...he and his quartet are the ones that hold it every year (and his quartet, by the way, is amazing!) And I've been getting to know him pretty well through our various conversations. He's a really nice guy and also I can tell that I'm going to learn a lot from him...given what we've discussed in terms of repertoire, etc, it will be pretty intense but I'm excited to see where it all leads! I'm looking forward to working with him a lot in the next 2 years...not just in private lessons for my major, but also in our St. Olaf sax quartet, which will in fact have all new members (except me, of course). He's pumped, and so am I!

Anyway...aside from that...I'm getting ready to go out to Oregon on Sunday to visit my best friend and I'll be gone for almost 3 weeks. I'm really, really excited, obviously...I've been looking forward to it forever...but I'm still having a hard time believing that it's actually happening! It probably won't hit me until I'm on the plane, honestly. But I expect it to be a completely wonderful trip...I can't wait to see my Soul!

Alright, well I'll be able to check things and update from Oregon...so I'll be in touch! ;) More icons on the way at some point...and yeah...hope everyone is enjoying his/her summer! :)

[mood| Okay ]

Harry/Hermione, as always...though I may be doing a batch of Pride & Prejudice soon as well!

[27] PoA
[18] GoF

( The walls will fall before we do... )