In Perfect Harmony

Going with the flow...

2008-03-23T23:49:35Z

[mood| Calm ]

Harry/Hermione icons from the new HBP picture! And more...

[12] HBP
[16] GoF (mostly Yule Ball)
[1] Yule Ball banner

Oh, and Happy Easter everyone!

HBP

*Manip credit girlnamediandra

GoF

Banner

Icon post!

2007-12-16T04:39:54Z

[mood| Relaxed ]

Somehow I've managed during finals week at school to make a rather large batch of icons, and so I thought I would post them! What can I say...I need something to de-stress! And of course procrastinate... ;-) Feel free to take/use!

[54] Harry/Hermione
[10] Pride & Prejudice (2005)

Harry/Hermione

PoA + Christmas-y

GoF

OotP

Pride & Prejudice (2005)

H/Hr Icons!

2007-09-01T04:43:45Z

Well, it's been all summer since I've updated...I've been really busy, to say the least, and now I'll be even more busy since I'm heading back to school in just a few days! But I managed for the first time in many many months to make a batch of icons, so I thought I would post them!

PoA

GoF

OotP

First summer update!

2007-06-10T03:22:31Z

[mood| Giddy ]

I said I would update again when finals were over, but I slacked on that because I had a summer class start up right after finals (and actually overlapping with the finals) and I kept real busy for awhile trying to juggle those two things and staying longer at school to play in the band for graduation. Now it's starting to wind down, and I'm full-swing into summer! I have my class every day from 9-12, and have yet to find summer employment, though I've been trying anything and everything for the longest time. Anyway, it's not the end of the world if I don't work this summer...it would certainly help, but I make good money during the school year with my jobs on campus so I know I have that coming up. I'm also supposed to have some church gigs this summer playing the saxophone, which are paying jobs. So I'll see what happens! But for now, I'm enjoying my class, being with my friends, and the warm and sunny weather. I will have the class until August, and then I plan to head out to Montana as usual, and hopefully to Oregon again to visit my best friend's family. I'm not sure if that will work out this summer, but I'm waiting to see. I'd really like to get out there and see my second family! Then before I know it, my senior year of college will begin....yikes. From there on out, it promises to be crazy. I will have a difficult course load, a senior recital to prepare, and the application process for graduate school fully underway. Ah! I refuse to let that bother me right now, though, since it's summer afterall, and I need this relaxation while I can get it. So no more thinking about the future.

My exciting news for the day is that I saw PoTC3 for the second time, and understood much more and liked it much better the second time around. And let me just say, I am more of a Will/Elizabeth shipper than ever now. I have shipped them from the beginning, of course, but my love for them has completely intensified with the third installment. *sigh* Just so we're clear. Now I'm off to watch more W/E music vids. ;-)

Hope everyone is having a great summer thus far! I will update again soon!

Finals time again!

2007-04-27T01:44:15Z

[mood| Impressed ]

Yes, yes it is. I truly can't believe it's that time of the year again, but now it's come. I only have three more weeks left of my junior year at St. Olaf College (yikes!) and they will be pretty busy ones. I will save myself and everyone else the pain of getting into all the things I have coming up and have to do, and just say that I will be one insanely busy girl. But what's new? It's been a pretty hectic semester, save for a few weeks of break, and even then I had lots to do. Sometimes I wonder how I'll survive it all and be successful at the end, but somehow I always manage to pull through. This time should be no different, but I won't believe it until it happens!

Besides getting ready for finals and finishing up the semester, I'm also still in the process of summer job hunting and I'm hoping to get a decent job. I'm all set to go for my summer course, Italian at the U of M, so that should be good. The summer is looking pretty fantastic, actually! I'll be here in MN for June and July, taking my class, working, and practicing the sax. Then in August I'm headed out to Oregon again for a couple weeks to stay with my best friend and her wonderful family, and after that to Montana for the last week or so of August before coming back to MN for my final year at St. Olaf. *sobs* I'm actually really going to miss it here, not that it's a surprise or anything. I've so loved everything about my Ole experience. It's become my home, and I know the transition will be tough, since I'm one of those that resists change as it is. I also know that it won't really hit me until next year at around this time, but that will just fly by so fast it's ridiculous. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but it will be interesting to say the least.

Anyway, that's my life right now! Finals, finals, and more finals...and summer preparations. I'm excited for the nice warm weather that's on the way as well! It's about time to get my summer clothes out again. :-)

I will post an update sometime after I finish up with classes here, I'm guessing. Until then, aaaaaadios!

Junior Recital - DONE!

2007-03-08T05:35:41Z

[mood| Relaxed ]

Wooooot! My junior recital was on Sunday and it went pretty well, considering how nervous I was. Sheesh. But anyway, it's over and done with, and my week has been ridiculously and wonderfully relaxing. *sigh* I'm loving life! And with spring break just around the corner, things can't get much better! Just thought I'd share that, and post a quick update. :-)

A mid-February update

2007-02-16T22:30:29Z

[mood| Mellow ]

First of all, I honestly can't believe how quickly this month is going by! I'm now full-swing into second semester and with my class load along with trying to prepare rather frantically for my junior recital two weeks from Sunday, I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed in general. I will feel much better once my recital is over, but even then I know I will be swamped with course work. Oh well, the life of a music major, I suppose. But anyway, I've been wanting to post an update about my band tour, so there are more details about that following the cut. Otherwise, things are moving along! I probably won't post again until my recital is over...so, wish me luck...I'll be working really hard the next couple of weeks to put on my best possible performance in front of esteemed faculty, friends, and family. Ahhhh! Like I said, I just want it to be over already!

So, the tour overall was really fun! The Northwest coast is just gorgeous and we definitely had some nice scenic bus rides from location to location. And the concerts just got better and better with each night, of course.

Everything was going well for me until the last weekend of tour. On Saturday, the day before we were to leave to head back home, I came down with something rather suddenly. I developed a really high fever around 103 degrees that wouldn't go down all afternoon. I was also feeling really weak and had a terrible cough. Since that was the case, and given that my low white blood cell condition requires me to get checked out pretty much whenever I'm not feeling well (especially with a fever involved), I decided it would be best to go into the hospital to get checked out. Turns out my white blood count was lower than ever (.9!! Should be between 4 and 10) and they decided to admit me to stay overnight at the hospital. They were running all these blood tests and all sorts of other things but they couldn't figure out right away what was wrong with me. And since my WBC was so low, they felt the need to keep an eye on me overnight because I was overly susceptible to infection and really at risk. So I was really distraught and disappointed over this at first. I was missing a band concert that night, I was really far from home, and was also worried that I wouldn't be feeling well enough to play our biggest concert of tour the following night (Sunday). And the doctors even told me that if they couldn't pinpoint what was wrong that they would want me to stay for a few extra days (!!!), which I was freaking out about because the plane to head back home was leaving later on Sunday night (the next night) and I knew I needed to be on that plane with the rest of the band to get home or I'd be left all alone at that hospital for days and would have to make other plans to get back home that would really complicate things. It was just horrible. I don't know what I would have done if my best friend Maranda hadn't been there. She was along with us on tour as an admissions representative for our college and was able to stay with me because she wasn't in the band and didn't have to perform. She even stayed the night with me in the hospital, which made things a whole lot easier. I was able to call my mom and keep her posted, but she felt a lot better too knowing that Maranda was there to look out for me. So, that was the only upside to this incredibly stressful situation. It's truly amazing to have such a supportive, loyal friend who's always there for you and with you, no matter what. And this time was no different. She wouldn't leave my side and it was my greatest comfort. Although, if it turned out that I had to stay a few extra days in the hospital, she would have been required legally to return home with the band, so that was no good. We were both just praying like crazy that I'd make it out of there in time and be OK health-wise.

But anyway, they took me up to my overnight room and hooked me up to an IV that kept me hydrated with fluids, and they also had me on a general antibiotic to prevent infection just to be safe, and in case it was something bacterial. My room was also quarantined and no other patient was allowed in there (normally there are two patients per room). I was lucky they let Maranda stay in the room with me; she slept in the other empty patient bed. If she had been sick or showed any signs of being sick, they wouldn't have let her because it could have been a risk to me. Kind of intense stuff. But then later on that night (oh yes, doctors/nurses were in there every two hours or so to wake me up, check my vitals, run more blood tests, whatever they had to do - it was just grand), after they ran a nose-swap test (which was ridiculously unpleasant), they found out that I had influenza A and put me on pills for that right away. But I was still hooked up to the IV all night and into the next morning to keep fluids in me. Since they figured it out though, I was really quite relieved, because I knew they could take care of it with medication and it wasn't something that would keep me in the hospital for days. They did want me to stay another night, but once I pressed them about the importance of heading home with the band later that night, they released me in the early afternoon with the medicine, and cautioned me to be extra careful with my health and to lie low. They didn't like the idea of me getting onto a germy airplane and staying up all night (because our flight was a red-eye that didn't get back home until 6:00 AM), but I wore a mask on the plane and it was all good. They also felt better about it because apparently my blood count did go up a little bit from the previous night and I was no longer in quite as much danger.

I did get home OK, even though I was extremely exhausted, weak, and still feeling pretty sick. I took the whole next day (Monday) to just lay around and sleep. I had to miss the first day of classes, but it was definitely worth it for the sake of my health to get enough rest. Earlier Sunday evening when we met up with the band at the concert hall (which luckily was only an hour away; Maranda and I were able to catch a "limo" ride from the hospital to the hall after I was released), I had tried to play my saxophone but I just didn't have any energy whatsoever, and it takes so much energy to play a concert. I was also really short on breath and coughing quite a bit, which is no good when you're trying to play an instrument. So I did end up having to sit out of that one. But my section was able to cover for me pretty well, so it wasn't the end of the world. But I was still pretty darn disappointed, that's for sure. It was a big deal for our band to be playing in this concert hall (Benaroya in Seattle, home of the Seattle Symphony), and I didn't get to be a part of it. But playing in our home concert just last Thursday definitely made it up to me. Nothing beats that!

Ok, well that's my story. *phew* Thankfully, I'm feeling much better now. I guess I should feel pretty lucky that I went in when I did because apparently a lot of people have been dying from the flu this year. And given that my immune system is so weak, I figure I could have been pretty vulnerable compared to some. While I was at the hospital I also got a vaccination so I shouldn't be getting it again this year, which is good. Anyway, now that I'm home we're going to get to the bottom of this WBC mystery. I'm now seeing a doctor (a hematology specialist) at the University of Minnesota and we're going to get this figured out. I will keep this journal posted on that as well. Hopefully the medical mystery will be solved. I'll keep my fingers crossed!

My Birthday!

2007-01-24T03:06:36Z

[mood| Loved ]

Today I turned 21...and it hasn't really hit me yet! I don't feel any older. But at any rate, it's not any big-deal birthday for me because I don't drink and don't plan to. What can I say, alcohol just isn't my thing. But it's been a wonderful day, full of love and surprises...so I can say I'm pretty happy! :-)

Anyway, I just wanted to post a quick update for this month...I've been on J-term and overall things have been pretty nice and relaxing. This coming weekend J-term is ending and I'm heading off on band tour. We're going to Washington and Oregon for a week, and right when we get back we start second semester classes. I mean that pretty literally. We take a 1:00 AM flight out of Seattle on a Sunday night (a week from this coming Sunday) and arrive back in Minneapolis at about 6:00 AM, and my first class is 10:45 that morning...oh joy, that should be fun. And then my workload will just be crazy, with all the necessary preparations (aka practicing like crazy) for my junior recital in March, a full course load, band, sax quartet, working two jobs, etc...but I just know it will fly by really fast, and then I'll be a senior in college. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself now, but the thought really does freak me out. I'm loving college and I know that it will come to an end all too soon. I have to enjoy it while I still can!

That's all for now...take care, friends!

Christmas!

2006-12-19T22:02:57Z

[mood| Cheerful ]

Yes, my Christmas break is finally here! I just finished up with my finals yesterday, and today I'm just hanging around school getting things all cleaned up and packed up to get ready to leave for Oregon tomorrow, where I will be spending my Christmas break with my best friend and her family. Words cannot describe my excitement! - and my huge relief that finals and this semester are finally over. I will say that this semester was not my favorite classes-wise, and I don't think I did as well as I usually do because I just wasn't interested. But I'm looking forward to a fresh start next semester! It will be a busy one. In the meantime though, I think I deserve a bit of relaxation, fun, and the chance to bask in the wonderful Christmas spirit. Just thought I'd post a quick update, because I probably won't do so over break. As of now, life is GOOD! :-)

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to everyone!

Just a quick update...

2006-10-31T20:15:00Z

[mood| Anxious ]

Well, I finally have a few minutes here at work today with nothing to do and I thought I'd post an update in my blog. It's been awhile! I've been pretty busy though, so it's not too shocking. I've been having a great deal of fun so far this year with friends, school, and all my activities, but am somehow usually stressed out at the same time. That's just how I operate!

Right now I'm having to focus mainly on practicing the sax, because I have to perform in a student recital sometime this semester, perform my jury at the end of the semester, play a scale examination in front of our studio class in a couple of weeks, and keep up with quartet, which will also be performing soon. Then there's band, and jazz band. Jazz band plays for a swing dance this Friday night and performs a concert a week from this coming Saturday. So, I have lots of playing to do! And I'm trying to practice as much as I can because I really want to build up and improve my playing...and the only way to do that is with consistent, constant practice. I'm looking a bit ahead into the future. I need to be solid now to reach my short-term and ultimately long-term musical goals and be ready for grad school auditions when they roll around. I really can't believe how soon that will be! In a few months I'll be halfway through my junior year and I have a feeling it's all going to fly by from now on. It's kind of a scary thought, so I try not to dwell on it too much at present. I really love it here at St. Olaf and I know that having to leave will not be the easiest thing to face. So I have to soak it all in while I can and just have fun! I'm doing my best.

Anyway, the next big break we have coming up is for Thanksgiving, and I'll be flying out to Montana for a few days to spend the holiday there with my grandparents, so that will be nice! Then I get to spend Christmas break in Oregon with my best friend and her family, who are close enough to be like my second family. Of course I'm super excited about that! So, there's lots to look forward to coming up soon here.

But...in the meantime...lately I've been having some rather intense, complicated personal issues that I've needed to manage on a regular basis. That along with the daily stress of classes and such, I often find it hard to maintain a positive attitude about things, because I feel like I'm always worrying about something and can't quite escape that feeling, but in the end I know I'll make it through and that things will turn out like they're supposed to. It doesn't necessarily make dealing with the present any easier but hey, if I can at least remember that, I'll have that as some sort of comfort.

Alright, that's all for now! I don't know when, but I'll update again sometime!

Oh, and Happy Halloween to everyone! Not like I'm doing or have done anything special, but oh well...an excuse to eat candy is always nice, I suppose. Yay!

Ah, life...

2006-09-21T19:24:13Z

[mood| Busy ]

Well, I can no longer complain about being bored and having nothing to do...because I'm finding myself completely swamped again, as expected for my college life! Things have been going pretty well and though I'm super busy and sometimes feel overwhelmed, I'm having a great time being back "home."

Classes - World Music, Instrumentation, Arts Management, and Swim Fitness. Nothing too exciting. Actually I find most of it to be pretty boring and uninteresting...but they are classes I have to take. It is quite the experience to swim at 7:45 in the morning, let me tell you. Thankfully it's only twice per week (Monday and Wednesday), but I do enjoy it. Swimming is my favorite form of exercise. I'm pretty sore though, because obviously I'm not really in shape. Well, I should be pretty soon here! That along with going for walks on the weekend and running all over campus during the week should keep my exercise going.

Saxophone stuff - Ah! My saxophone and I are practically joined at the hip this year. There is just tons to do. I have a new teacher for my sax lessons, and that's going to be pretty intense. I have lots of practicing and preparing to do for that each week, along with sax quartet twice per week, jazz band twice per week, band 3 times per week (and now I'm the section leader!), and teaching a saxophone lesson once each week. Plus all my practice times I can squeeze in there. Yay. I haven't actually really gotten into it yet because I'm just now figuring things out and finalizing my schedule, but it's all about to start up here. It's definitely what should keep me more busy than anything, because it's my major afterall. And I have a junior recital to plan for in the spring, as well as performing on various student recitals. So the sax should keep me pretty occupied! I just hope I can hang on for the ride.

Piano - I don't have nearly as much time for it this year. I was actually contemplating dropping my piano lessons for the rest of my time here, because I do have the 2-year piano requirement finished. But I decided to stick with it and just do it for fun. I couldn't bring myself to drop out. My heart keeps telling me not to give up on the piano. It would be pretty sad, considering that for quite awhile it was my principal instrument and I've been playing since I was 5 years old. So I'll keep going. I talked to my teacher here and she seems pretty understanding with how busy and stressed I usually am, and promised me that we'd keep it fun and stress-free. I'm all for that!

Working at the ASC - This year I'm an academic assistant and music tutor at the school's Academic Support Center and I have to work here 6 hours a week. That's where I am now, actually! This is my third day of work here and no one has stopped by yet to get help. That's understandable though, because it's still early in the year and things are rather slow as of yet. I expect that pretty soon, when midterms and other exams roll around, this place should get going in a hurry. And I'll be here, helping kids with their study habits/time management/etc. and/or music-specific problems. I'd much rather do the latter, so I'm hoping I get more tutoring time rather than general study skills time. I'm better at the music part...I'd say.

Church - My best friend and I are trying to find an off-campus church to attend on a regular basis this year, and that's going to be really nice. We also love listening to our Christian music and doing devotions every night!

Diet - Given my health situation over the summer, I've been trying to eat better for awhile. I cut pop out of my diet completely about 3 months ago, and now am only drinking milk, water, juice, and sparkling juice type things (Izze's, mmmm.) Also there's the occasional Italian soda and coffee drink, but not on a daily basis. I'm also making sure to have my daily servings of fruit and vegetables, protein, etc. It doesn't always work out, but I'm very conscious of it. I try to treat very little, but find it difficult to resist my cookie dough ice cream. ;-) But once in awhile that doesn't kill me. With everything else I'm doing better. I shop mostly at the health food store and buy health food items...healthy cereals, bread, crackers, chips, granola bars, drinks, etc. So that's going pretty well! And it's really neat because our room is right across from the kitchen in our dorm building, so we can cook whenever we want to! We make breakfast almost every morning, which is fun.

Finally, I come to my friends - even with all that's going on I'm 100% intent on making enough time for them! Specifically my best friend. Unlike last year, this year we happen to have pretty different schedules and don't see each other quite as much during the day as we'd like to, but we've done our best to arrange the flexible bits of our schedules in such a way that we can still spend as much time as possible and make the most out of that time. And now that we're living together it's been really great! I'm really enjoying our enormous, multi-sectioned room with the bathroom and the kitchen and laundry room right outside the door and of course, the wonderful company. It couldn't be better!

Oh, and shopping, watching movies, going out to dinner...when possible!!

Alright, well that's my update for now. I will update again as soon as I can, provided that I find some spare time! It's been rather difficult to do until now...so, we'll see!

I am SO outta here!

2006-08-31T20:27:49Z

[mood| Jubilant ]

I'm ecstatic to announce that today's the day! I'm headed back to school in only an hour and I'm so happy to be leaving my miserable house!! No more putting up with my brothers and their on-going drug addiction and other various unending problems...no more listening to them throw curse words around like a second language...no more watching my father sit around on the computer all day ignoring anything and everything that goes on in this house, even when it gets scary and potentially dangerous...no more listening to his loud snores on the couch at 3 in the afternoon...no more putting up with the fact that he won't listen to anything I say and listening to him throw insults at me about my own life...no more long, boring, depressing days with nothing fun to do or anyone to hang out with...I'm FREE!! I was not really here for too long this summer, but any time feels like a long time...and these past 3 weeks was a long time. I'm just so thrilled to be leaving. Now I'm going to avoid coming back as much as I possibly can, and when I have to, I know I won't be alone. I will miss my mom and feel bad that she's still stuck in all of this (because she's the only one who does try to fix things), but thankfully she can escape and come down to see me on most weekends, and she's not very far. So knowing that makes this all the easier and I can't say I regret anything...I know I'm not really leaving anything behind. This house was never much of a home anyway. Sad, but true. I consider my true home to be at school and tonight, I'm finally going home. :-)

Anyway, I'm going to have a really busy next week or so, running around on duty for the ASC and band...but I will update again once things wind down! I'm so excited...I'm moving into my room tonight and will be setting things up for the next few days, my Soul will be joining me in only 3 days now and in typical Soul fashion we have so many fun things planned to do together(!!!), I'll be seeing all of my college friends and professors again (yes, I'll admit that I've missed Alice!), band starts up next Wednesday, my classes start next Thursday...and everything is just falling into place! It's a truly wonderful feeling. Oh, I know I'm going to be SO swamped...but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Life as I know and love it, HERE I COME! :-)

New Look!

2006-08-24T23:49:17Z

[mood| Morose ]

Just thought it was time for a change!

That's about all I have to say right now, I suppose. I'm actually really depressed right now but re-doing the look of my journal has given me somewhat of an escape today, which I guess is a good thing.

On the bright side...

Countdown to school = 1 WEEK! Woooooot!!!

I guess I will just look forward to that. :)

Good news...for now!

2006-08-17T00:57:38Z

[mood| Relieved ]

I'm home from Montana, and I finally went into the doctor today and got the results of my biopsy. Thankfully, my doctor told me right away that the biopsy looked normal...my cells looked normal, no signs of infection in my bone marrow, no signs of pathology...he essentially told me that everything real serious has been ruled out. Needless to say, that was such a relief to hear and I feel so much better knowing that now!

However, because he didn't find anything...he's still not exactly sure why my WBC is so low. But the first thing he's done is taken me off Valtrex, a medication I've been taking for my cankersores, because there's good reason to suspect that it may be causing my WBC to drop. And so now with that out of my system, we'll be monitoring my WBC to see if it makes a difference...I'll go in every month to a clinic get tested. By the end of three months, if my WBC has gone up again, he's not going to worry about it. But if it still hasn't gone up at all and is still really low like it is now, he'll probably start giving me injections of white blood cells to boost my count. Given that he can't find anything serious...he did say that sometimes people just have this problem, and there's no real cause of it...and if this is the case with me, I'll just have to get injections once in awhile. And obviously they will keep monitoring me closely for improvement, and to make sure that nothing else turns up. The main thing is that I still have to be careful to avoid infection, because I'm still at a high risk while my WBC is still low. But I suppose we'll get it all figured out as we go...for right now, this is most definitely good news.

So anyway, that's my story! I'm just so relieved to know that they didn't find anything serious and that I appear to be healthy otherwise.

I just want to thank everyone again for his/her support and concern throughout this whole ordeal. It has meant a great deal to me! I'll still keep this blog updated with anything new I may learn, and what happens over the course of the next few months. :-)

Jerk!

2006-08-08T01:51:55Z

[mood| Frustrated ]

I've about had it with my grandmother's 'boyfriend,' Ed. He's such a jerk. I can only handle him for about 2-3 days when I first come out here to visit, and then it's all downhill from there, mainly because he just can't tolerate anyone stealing away my gradnmother's attention and becomes quite cruel as a result.

But anyway...tonight he was telling another one of his lame, boring stories at the dinner table to everyone...honestly it's one I've probably heard before, he tends to repeat his stories...and he's one of those that when he tells stories, he does so to show his intelligence and culture and all that garbage...so basically, all in an attempt to impress people, and he even condescends quite a bit, almost preaches...he thinks he's some kind of all-knowing superior being. But tonight, I ended up zoning at the table a bit, because I missed the first part of the story and really didn't see any point in listening any further...and boy it was LONG...and I didn't even really know he was intending it for everyone, I thought he was talking to my mom. But anyway, he got all offended when he found out I wasn't listening, said it was insulting, and when I tried to explain, he told me to just "shut up" and be quiet. Yeah, real nice.

But it doesn't end there. Tonight, right now, as I sit here on my computer, he and my grandmother are having a conversation right in the next room and obviously don't know that I'm here because they're talking about me. Ed is actually verbally bashing me. He says in his usual angry and rash tone, and I quote, "Geez, that granddaughter of yours is so insufferably insulting...she's so self-obsessed and self-involved, she doesn't ever listen to what anyone else has to say, blah blah blah"...oh, really? I'M the one who's self-obsessed and self-centered? (The following are actual true facts...yes, this 80-year-old man acts like this)

Who's the one who runs off like a baby every single night we have company over because in the midst of everything he's not the center of attention? Because no one is listening to him? Because someone else is getting a chance to talk for once?

Who's the one who storms off like a child in a jealous rampage when my grandmother talks about happy memories of her past?

Who's the one who drinks himself all day long into into these ridiculous, childish fits? Vodka all day...wine at night. Not so good.

Who's the one who, when he does get drunk, makes crude, sexual jokes and insults other people?

Oh yeah, that's not me. That's him, "Mr. Perfect," as he thinks himself to be. And he's a huge jerk for it. I'm just getting real sick of having to put up with him. But I can't express that, obviously...though I'm not the only one who notices these things. We've all talked about how ridiculous his behavior is and has been while we've been here, even with my grandmother. To bring it up with him would be just unthinkable, but I certainly don't have any desire to be respectful to him now. Well, maybe be respectful, because I don't want to stoop down to his level of total and utter disrespect...but I'll certainly be avoiding him as much as I can for the rest of my time out here. At least until I get some kind of apology because it wasn't me who was completely out of line...it was him. Not that I'd ever expect him to own to it, or any mistake he's made. Like I said, he does see himself as flawless. Ha, such a joke.

Well, whatever. Just thought I'd vent a bit about it, because it makes me really frustrated. Maybe it actually made me more frustrated that my grandmother just sat there and listened to it without defending me, I don't know. But oh yeah, he'll sit around for the first few days after I arrive and tell me how proud he is of me, how 'beautiful' and 'sexy' (yes, sexy) I am, how great it is when I come out and visit, and all that garbage...but as soon as he's had his fill (and it doesn't take him very long), he's nothing but a nasty jerk with a real short temper and tolerance for me, or for anyone who's been around for too long. Anyone whom my grandmother happens to love and likes to spend time with is a potential target for his bitterness and hatred. It's like I said...he needs my grandmother's attention focused on him all the time...he needs her to serve him, cater to him, dote on him, etc...for him to be happy. So if a whole day has gone by and my grandmother has been out visiting with us, you can bet by the time we get home he's one anal old jerk. Same old routine every day. I wonder how my grandmother puts up with it and doesn't tire of it. And you certainly can't travel anywhere with him...he's miserable in that regard as well, I know that from experience. One thing's for sure...my grandmother has mentioned taking me on a European trip as a special college graduation present, but if his coming along is part of the deal...I'd rather just forget it.

End rant.

Unfortunate change of plans...

2006-07-25T01:19:04Z

[mood| Distressed ]

Well, I got back from my piano camp on Friday night and had a great time as always...though this year it turns out that my favorite teacher at the camp couldn't make it due to a last minute emergency, which was kind of disappointing. I always love being able to chat with her and catch up on things, but there was definitely something missing and I'm sure it was her presence...she is just so inspirational. But I still enjoyed it overall, my saxophone performance went well and everything...and I was glad that I had the chance to attend. Everytime I have to say goodbye at the end, they all tell me how wonderful it was to have me there and how they hope to see me back yet again as the teen coordinator for next year. I have been there since the beginning, and they all say that it just wouldn't be piano camp without me! I think that's pretty nice. I'll keep coming back as long as they'll have me! I just love that place and all the connections I have formed there. I never regret going and it's a truly necessary part of my summer.

Anyway, on to the real point of this entry...

I was scheduled to leave on a 3-week trip to Montana tomorrow, and was really excited about that...but due to a medical situation, my trip is going to be postponed until later in the week. I've been having problems with a low white blood count (WBC) for the past few months, and probably for about a total of 2 years now, though we've just now become aware of the potential seriousness as it seems to be getting worse and more demanding of attention. I had it checked in April when I was sick with a bad virus, and it was 2.5...the normal WBC range for healthy adults is 4-10, so mine was pretty low. The doctor thought it may have just been that low because I was sick, and suggested for me to go in for another test when I was healthy. So last week, which was two months later (I should have gone in again sooner but there wasn't ever a real convenient opportunity to do so), I had it tested again at my annual physical and it came out to be 2.3, even lower than when I was sick. They didn't know what it could be because they didn't find anything else to be wrong in my physical, so they referred me to a special hemotology and oncology clinic in the same building, and that's the appointment I went to today.

I went in and discussed the situtation with a doctor as well as had a few more blood tests run. They checked my vitals and everything first, and nothing else seems to be wrong with me...everything came out well on my physical the previous week and I just don't seem to have any symptoms of anything at all...I seem to be in pretty good health otherwise at the moment. So due to that and several other factors, we were able to rule out things like HIV, hepatitus, and lupus...because in those cases I would have other major symptoms. The doctor ran a few blood tests, one again for the WBC, and the others for vitamin deficiencies/absorption and certain infections. Only the WBC blood test came back while I was there, and it turns out that my white blood count is even lower than before...1.6! It really freaked me out and it just kind of shocks me that it keeps getting lower and lower...it was 2.3 last week, and now it's 1.6. And we have not yet determined why it's happening/what could be causing it.

So, in light of that, my doctor scheduled another appointment for Thursday to do a bone marrow biopsy. By examining my bone marrow, where the white blood cells are formed and everything, he thinks he will be able to determine what is going on. According to him it basically comes down to two possibilities...either my bone marrow isn't producing enough white blood cells, or they are producing enough but then something in my system is killing them off somehow...possibly a result of some kind of infection or other dysfunctional thing. He just won't have a good idea until he runs this test. And so that's why he asked me to stay behind and get it done this week rather than in 3 weeks. Originally, if my WBC had come out around the same as before or not too much lower, I could have still gone to Montana tomorrow...he acknowledges that the WBC does fluctuate a bit, and I could have gone tomorrow and just have receieved an injection of white blood cells to hold me over while I was there and make sure that I didn't pick up an infection. But seeing as my WBC was a lot lower than before and bordering upon being dangerously so, the doctor felt better scheduling this bone marrow biopsy for sooner rather than later, so he could get right to the problem and start whatever treatment may be necessary right away. It will still take 10 days for the biopsy results to come back...but the sooner we know what's wrong, the better. The shot of white blood cells, although it would have helped temporarily, would have just masked the real issue...we need to figure out what is functionally wrong here, or if there's some kind of infection causing all of this. At any rate, his main concern right now is that given my really low WBC I'm at a pretty high risk for infection...so I'm supposed to be extra careful and wash my hands a lot, avoid large public places/gatherings, and avoid people who may be sick and contagious. I just couldn't afford to get a serious infection right now...my immune system is obviously vulnerable due to the lack of WBC's and couldn't handle it. I'd have to get on a rigorous course of antibiotics to deal with it and that just wouldn't be preferable.

So...with all of that...I'm quite stressed and worried. I know that the doctors are going to discover what's going on and it sounds like whatever it is, there'll be something to treat it and fix it...the doctor didn't leave any doubt about that...there didn't seem to be a great deal of concern that we can figure this out and treat it in some fashion. There will be a course of action and we'll do whatever is necessary. It's just disappointing because I really wanted to leave tomorrow as planned and go be with my grandmother...because on top of this medical situtation that's stressing me out, my family is still having issues with my brothers and drugs, and all that lovely stuff...not too much fun to be around, and certainly not helpful. I will look forward to leaving on Thursday evening or Friday morning, and having this test be over...because it doesn't sound like it will be a pleasant experience. *shudder*

I will update again if/when I know something new. There are still a few more tests from today that need to be returned...I don't know if they'll make a difference but they could tell me something else. *waits anxiously* All I can do is try to be strong and remain positive...that's all I can do to get through it. And I know I'll have lots of support along the way, no matter what. I will hope for the best.

Piano Camp!

2006-07-16T16:28:52Z

[mood| Good ]

Well, I've been back from my wonderful Oregon trip since Tuesday night, and now today I'm headed off to my annual piano camp, which is near Chicago...I'll be there for the week and will probably get back sometime Friday night. I really look forward to this all year and it's hard to believe I'll be there tomorrow! I've been attending for the past 7-8 years (ever since the camp was established) and it's always a huge highlight of my summer....and I know that my year would feel incomplete without it! There are so many wonderful teachers and friends I look forward to seeing and catching up with, and I feel lucky to have them as connections. It's always just such a positive, inspirational learning experience and I always come away with new perspectives. I'll also be performing a sax solo on the faculty recital for the first time down there, which is a great performing opportunity for me as a sax performance major. I'm hoping it won't be too high-pressure...I'm assuming it won't be, because the atmosphere at these recitals has always been pretty laid back, and there aren't any critics among the audience...just teachers and friends whom I trust and know very well...people who appreciate the sharing of music. So I'm hoping for the best and to be able to just have fun!

Anyhow...I'll be able to log on to a computer probably once or twice a day to check things...but other than that...I'll be pretty busy all week! I'll probably update again when I get back, and before I head off to Montana. :-)

Updating from Oregon...

2006-07-03T01:04:47Z

[mood| Chipper ]

Well, what can I say. I've been in Oregon for the past two weeks and I've been having an absolute blast! I've been hanging out with my best friend and her family, and we've done a bunch of fun stuff...mostly low-key but it's still a great time! We watch movies, go out for coffee, swim at the pool, go to the beach, sun bathe outside anywhere, go for walks, go shopping, etc. But it's just been really relaxing and enjoyable for me. And I actually have another whole week to look forward to (I come back home on the 11th)...yipee! I already have a bunch of pictures taken and I'll have more by the time I'm back...I'll be sure to post some here!

Other than that...I'll be going to my favorite piano camp in Chicago in 2 weeks now as well and I'm preparing to play a saxophone solo on the faculty recital (I'm a counselor so that counts as faculty), which should be a good experience in many ways...I'm getting back in playing-shape and looking forward to it! This camp is always a huge highlight of my summer and I always feel so fortunate to be going back again...it's just an amazing and memorable experience. I can't wait!

And then...after piano camp I will be heading to Montana for most of the rest of the summer, where I will be visiting with my grandparents, uncle, aunt, and cousins, and practicing like crazy on sax and piano for the start of the school year. Great times! And then before I know it I'll be back at school again for the start of my junior year...scary, unbelievable, all that...but I will be very happy to go back, that's for sure! I love school...there's nowhere I'd rather be!

That's all for now...will update again soon! :)

Craziness...

2006-06-17T05:01:10Z

[mood| Drained ]

Ahhh, this week was so crazy and hectic, which was definitely a big change from the past few weeks. I attended a saxophone quartet workshop/camp this week at my college...8:30-5:00 daily...and since I chose to commute rather than stay on campus (it was a good deal less expensive and I also didn't really want to stay on campus in the dorms again after just having left for the summer! ahhh), I had to drive there and back every day, which with all the traffic in rush hour took me about an hour and a half both ways. *phew* I'm all tired out now from all the playing and just from the lack of sleep in general. Fortunately, today was the last day. I did enjoy it overall, though...I think it was a good experience and it definitely gave me something to do. And the cool thing about this whole workshop is that my new saxophone teacher at St. Olaf was the head of the camp...he and his quartet are the ones that hold it every year (and his quartet, by the way, is amazing!) And I've been getting to know him pretty well through our various conversations. He's a really nice guy and also I can tell that I'm going to learn a lot from him...given what we've discussed in terms of repertoire, etc, it will be pretty intense but I'm excited to see where it all leads! I'm looking forward to working with him a lot in the next 2 years...not just in private lessons for my major, but also in our St. Olaf sax quartet, which will in fact have all new members (except me, of course). He's pumped, and so am I!

Anyway...aside from that...I'm getting ready to go out to Oregon on Sunday to visit my best friend and I'll be gone for almost 3 weeks. I'm really, really excited, obviously...I've been looking forward to it forever...but I'm still having a hard time believing that it's actually happening! It probably won't hit me until I'm on the plane, honestly. But I expect it to be a completely wonderful trip...I can't wait to see my Soul!

Alright, well I'll be able to check things and update from Oregon...so I'll be in touch! ;) More icons on the way at some point...and yeah...hope everyone is enjoying his/her summer! :)

Icon post...

2006-06-07T16:58:27Z

[mood| Okay ]

Harry/Hermione, as always...though I may be doing a batch of Pride & Prejudice soon as well!

[27] PoA
[18] GoF

PoA

GoF

Summer is here...

2006-06-05T20:19:46Z

[mood| Nostalgic ]

...and, I'm not liking it one bit. Sure, the weather has been quite nice, but I really, really, REALLY miss school..and it's only been what, a week or two? I don't know how I'll last the whole summer like this...it's only June 5th, afterall, and it feels like it's been forever. The more I've been at school (and it's been 2 years there now), the harder it is for me to leave and readjust to life elsewhere. I miss my life there, everything about it...especially my friends, my classes, band, and even the workload...because at least it was something to do. I'm one of those who enjoys having every minute of my day scheduled/structured...I feel like I have a purpose, something to accomplish, and it makes me feel useful, productive, and intelligent. Otherwise, when left to my own devices, I tend to get lazy and then that leads to boredom and depression. I realize that I needed somewhat of a break after finals and all that hard work, and it was nice to relax for awhile...but now I'm ready to get going again, but can't figure out what to do wth myself. Unfortunately I couldn't really have a job this summer because I'm traveling around too much...I'm going to Oregon in two weeks, then to piano camp, and then to Montana. As it turns out I may be able to work out there for the month of August, just babysitting my cousins and what not...but it will be something.

But in the meantime, not much is going on with me. I pretty much do the same thing every day...get up, get online and have breakfast, get dressed and ready, have lunch, watch a movie, maybe practice my sax and/or the piano, go online again, have dinner, maybe watch another movie, or just go online again, then go to bed...ahhh! I have waaay too much free time. I think what I'll have to do is set up a schedule for myself and include some exercise (even if it's only a walk or something), as well as more practice time...because that's what I really should be doing more of. It's just that it gets boring doing the same thing day in and day out. I'm counting down the days until I go out to Oregon, because that should be a fun trip...and then maybe things will pick up for the rest of the summer. I'm definitely excited for piano camp as well as Montana. So I guess while these first few weeks have been and will continue to be the hardest, I can look forward to better times ahead! *crossing fingers*

Anyway...just wanted to update, because now I have more than enough time to do so. Icons are on the way as well...I'm workin' on them! ;)

OMG...

2006-05-27T15:33:10Z

[mood| Surprised ]

How the hell did I do it? I got an A in Dr. Alice Hanson's music history class (which is, by the way, nearly impossible to do)...not an A-, but an A...I was expecting at the very best an A-, but to be safe a B/B+...but holy crap, I actually got a straight A. My final must have went really well or something, but it's crazy...this is the best news ever! All my had work and enthusiasm for that class actually paid off! WOOT!!! I love it!

Anyway, just had post about that since it was totally a shock...erm...I think I screamed pretty loudly. ;)

Off to a band concert - will update again soon, maybe w/ some icons!

And so it begins...

2006-05-25T14:25:29Z

[mood| Lonely ]

Well, I finished with all my finals last weekend and I'm glad to be done with everything there. Now I'm just hanging around school this week for daily band rehearsals because we have a concert this weekend and we're also playing at the graduation ceremony. Almost everyone is gone from campus except for the band, choir, and orchestra people and it's looking pretty empty. There isn't a whole lot to do...I'm glad I have my car to go places in town or I think I'd go crazy. It's also hard because my best friend left yesterday to go home and it will be strange not to see her every day...at least at first. We're the "inseparable friends" type and we've just been separated...yeah, not OK. ;) But I'm going out to visit her in Oregon in just a few weeks so I'm not completely depressed. I'm definitely looking forward to it!

Anyway, not much else to say...I'm pretty much just lazing around listening to music and watching movies. As soon as the sun comes out here I think I'll go sit outside for awhile...that should be nice. The weather over the next few days is supposed to be warm and sunny...I just hope that it's not too humid but in Minnesota that's what we expect (ugh). I think I'll be glad to get off campus this weekend after all the band stuff is done. I'm going to be staying with a good friend and we should have some fun in the next few weeks before I head off to Oregon.

Now that I have the time I think I'll be making some icons soon so I'll keep this updated!

Finals suck.

2006-05-14T03:15:10Z

[mood| Stressed ]

Yes, so that's what will be occupying my time this coming week...getting all ready and through with my finals. And somehow I've gotten sick again...probably a combination of a cold and seasonal allergies...argh. But anyway, then I have to spend the next week after that in band rehearsals preparing for our last concert and for playing at graduation, while packing up and all that jazz. I can't believe this year's almost over...it seemed to go by incredibly fast and it's hard to think that in 3-4 months I'll be back as a junior in college - YIKES!

Anyhow, I'm at home for the weekend because tomorrow is Mother's Day and I'm spending time with my mom and doing special things for her. But then I've really got to hit the books and start studying. I know that some finals are really going to take a lot of time...music history, especially. Still can't believe that thing is cumulative...oh my, Alice, oh my. And then there's a bunch of stuff to do for my conducting final, theory, ear training, and a piano jury. I should do fine on everything if I just focus and work hard...but I just can't wait for it all to be over!

However...at the same time...I wish that school wouldn't come to an end, because I'm so much happier being at school than I am being at home. The summer always leaves me with somewhat of an unscheduled, unstructured lifestyle, and I really hate that. I like how school keeps me on a pretty tight schedule and I feel like I'm always accomplishing things, always having things to do, etc...even though I'm often stressed, I can never be bored. Sometimes in the summer I feel depressed because I feel unmotivated/lazy/etc. and don't have much intelligent to do. And my life with my family at home is especially difficult because of all the problems with my brothers...being around all that really brings me down. When I'm at school I can just kind of forget, or be distracted by all other things....but at home I'm constantly reminded. That's why I've decided that I'm not going to be home much this summer. I have friends kind enough to take me in for awhile...I'll be staying with one of my best friends close to home for a couple of weeks in early June, and then I'm headed to Oregon for the rest of June to visit my best friend (my soul!). Then comes piano camp, which will be July 17-21. And then after that I'm probably going to head to Montana to stay with my grandparents for the rest of the summer. So really, I'll only be home for a short time in July. And I think that will be really good for me...I just can't live at home anymore; it stresses me out too much and the situation is more than I can handle emotionally. It's sad that it's come to this point, but now with all this I've got to do what's best for me and my comfort and happiness.

Alright, anyway...just wanted to update sometime for this next week because I know that I won't get to until after I'm through with finals. So I'll check in after that. To everyone taking finals: good luck and best wishes! ;)

Woot!

2006-05-03T13:30:01Z

[mood| Hopeful ]

My continuance recital is over and done with as of last night, and I'm hugely relieved about that. As I've been told, I tend to be overly self-critical and modest/humble/whatever, but my friends and teacher tell me that I did extremely well and should just be proud of myself and relax. So, I'm trying to do just that. I know I made some mistakes...but apparently they didn't come across to the audience at all, which is good. And my reed was decent for once, which was a nice surprise (those things are such a pain)...apparently I was able to get some gorgeous, lush sounds. So yes, overall I'd say it was good, and most importantly it's OVER and I don't have to worry about it anymore. YAY! My life just got a whole lot less stressful, for the time being.

Though, I still have tons of stuff to do - and more to catch up on since I've been neglecting everything for this recital. I have an Alice quiz today that I'm currently studying for - 20th century music, most of which sucks in my opinion (can we please go back to the wonderful Romantic era?), and then I have to grade papers and practice the piano for a gazillion hours...plus do my theory and conducting homework for tomorrow. And my saxophone stuff isn't really done yet...I still have another jury where I go in and play a few etudes along with scales, but that shouldn't be too bad (hopefully). AND an interview regarding my continuance. Plus there are finals to look forward to. SO...I'm not quite there yet. But only a few weeks left and it's all over - summer, here I come!

Back to studying...